Stumbling Block

Actually, it's less of a stumble and more of a catastrophic failure. In my mind I kind of have this mental image of what a stumbling block of this proportion might be. And it starts out innocent enough. He trips over an uneven crack on the concrete and stumbles. But, alas! it's a very inconvenient stumble, for there is a set of stairs no more than three feet away! And, as these things go (often from bad to worse), this particular set of stairs is particularly long-- and steep.

You get the idea. Though it's amusing to imagine this occurring to a figmentary member of your imaginationland, it's not so cool when it's applied to you or my weight, as this example is meant to illustrate.

What happened? you might inquire. Well, rest assured, I will divulge the necessary information.

If you've been keeping up with life in the US, you'll know that this year was like crazy flu season. And just about a week after my last post, I did not get the flu. I got something else that was almost as bad. To date, I've never gotten "the flu". But when everyone else is being inflicted with the death bug, I tend to get a sinus infection from hell. And that's sorta what happened this time around.

I honestly don't remember my exact symptoms. Though I know it required a Vick's vaporizer and a lot of NyQuil-- the nasty green kind on accident. Worst thing on the planet. Anyway.
I was more or less incapacitated for a week. After the first few days, though, I didn't actually feel bad anymore. But I had this terrible cough that WOULD NOT go away for like two weeks after I was sick.

And somewhere in the middle of my illness, I turned 21. w00t for me...though almost everyone at my party was in some stage of sickness-recovery. So it was kind of sucky.

Bleh. Now, I told you all of that so I could tell you this: Thanks to visit to boyfriend AND being sick for like three weeks, I gained even more weight. For first two weeks I couldn't do much of anything and was relatively incapacitated by illness but the last week or so I felt fine! But could I go to the gym and work off all the cough syrup and vitamin-packed liquids (that also happen to be calorie-packed)? NO! Because if I exerted myself beyond a moderate walk, I would induce a seemingly endless coughing fit that would leave me exhausted when it finally subsided about five minutes later. AND THEN add on all the work I had to make up for missing off and on during that and you have a really unhappy camper. I.e. Me.

So even though I felt fine and could eat fine (and taste again!), I couldn't exercise, which means that I gained weight! Yippee for me. >.<
And all of this just has me a little bit peeved. I finally want to look really good. I've never exactly looked bad but I've never felt super confident about how I look. I haven't really had a lot of reason to. I want to finally be slender. And maybe if I can make it there myself, my boyfriend might be inspired.

(warning, misty-eyed monologue ahead)
I've never really been the kind to want to wear short-shorts-- mainly because the people I knew that wore them a lot were skank-face bitches, but it would be nice to be able to wear them and not look gross (to me). And though I've never really had a desire to wear a bikini, it would be so cool if I could have the option (if I wanted to). I want to be able to look in the mirror and know that I could wear just about anything and it look good on me. It's not a vanity thing at all. I'm not in the least bit vain. It's just the sense of accomplishment and achievement-- that's what I want.

And a few months ago, I had made significant progress. I had lost just over 15 pounds. But I regained 10. It's just a little bit disheartening. Considering that as it stands today, I have at least 34-39 pounds to go-- for my initial goal of 140-145. Before New Years, I only had like 29, or less to make, 140.

I'm not exactly visibly upset. It's more all in my mind-- which is how it usually goes with me. And that is where I will defeat this slight despair. Besides, I gotta jump back on and keep going, eh?

I'll update again soon. I don't want this post to be super duper long, like it will be if I continue on with what I want to talk about. But next time: orange and pecan pancakes! (with pictures! syrup optional!)